What happens next?

I think the only reason I don't kill myself is because I wont know what happens next!

Have you noticed how when you get into a program and it ends on a cliff hanger? You feel so annoyed that they are going to make you wait to find out what happens next. Well, it's the same thought about killing yourself. It would probably be the biggest time in your life when attention is focussed on you. It will bring out different responces in different people. Some will be really upset. And that's another reason why I find it so hard. But then you think that they'll cope. No one really gives a toss anyway. They'll all say the same old crap. Out will come all the trite statements, then they'll go back to their mundane routines.

But for me, what will happen next. It would be a real cliff hanger only you know you wont be around to see what happens.

Benifits of being single

Farting without being made to feel guilty, especially in bed!

Being able to decide for yourself when the toothpaste is empty.

Being able to channel hop without someone tutting.

Get to watch what you want on TV.

You don't get moaned at because she's decided to clean the toilet! (Men clean the toilet when it needs it, women clean it before that then wonder why men never clean it!)

You don't have to sneakily raid the fridge!

Go to bed when you want.

Don't have someone reverse their butt into your crutch in bed getting you going then moan at you that she's not a machine you can just switch on!

Loneliness

So, here's a proiblem, when I'm with people I feel like I'd be better off on my own. Yet, when I'm on my own I get lonely! I try to get people in small doses. But that isn't alkways easy, and even then they do not give the strokes that I need in those small doses.

Talking about the snow

Talking about the snow with my dad at lunch. I say, "This has been a particularly bad time, every one's been caught out by it. Companies have lost work, and the councils have been caught out with the salt." After all this has been the on the news for a few weeks now.

"No, they haven't, they've had enough salt!"

Then the argument goes on. I give up. There is no point arguing with arseholes.

But I did learn something, it's not just that I'm wrong. I noticed how it's only when someone says something to him that the idea that the opposite might be true pops into his head. He doesn't just argue with me, he is argumentative. I once heard my step mum say something to him. He argued with what she said. She reasserted her point of view and he said, "You are so argumentative!" I thought, "Yep, that sums it up. He argues but he is so arrogant that he believes he is always right and therefore it is everyone else who is arguing with him!"

The problem I have is not killing him. It does wind me up at times. I get caught out. But if this guy brought me up then it's no wonder I am so highly strung.

This is not the best environment for me but I am stuck here. I cannot get out. No sooner do I feel like I am getting close to getting out that something else comes up to set things back.

Where is God? Yeah He loves me. Yeah He will never leave me. But I am still here putting up with this crap. I am often reminded of King David, how he had to hide in the enemies camp pretending to be mad. Sometimes I feel like that.

Ego

My tutor was talking about a student who felt he knew all there was to know about Javascript when all he'd done was copied a few routines out of a book.

"The human ego!" I said

"No!" He put me down, "It's just that . . ."

"No, nothing to do with his ego or yours!" I thought!

People are far too busy trying to assert their own ego to take the time to truely listen and attend to others. How many times have I had ego maniacs try and tell me that I have an attitude problem?

Am I wrong?

If I say something and my dad doesn't hear, am I still wrong?

Violence solves everything

We say, "violence solves nothing" and "violence isn't the answer"

Wasn't Jesus' death violent? Didn't that solve the problem of salvation?

Wasn't the exit from Egypt violent? Didn't that solve one of God's problems?

Aren't there lots of examples of God solving problems with violence in the Bible, including the lake of fire?

Doesn't that mean that we have a thought that goes against how God works?

That doesn't mean that we have an excuse for violence, but that the sayings "Violence solves nothing" is not true and anti God.

Culturally, why do we believe violence solves nothing yet in almost all comic books (Children's books) violence is the only answer?

If violence solves nothing, why do we have an army?